Mainly Mark

A man dies and his wife takes him to a funeral home...

Mark Peeren — Tue, 18 May 2010 14:42:49 GMT

She tells the director that she wants her husband to be buried in a dark blue suit. He asks, "Wouldn't it just be easier to bury him in the black suit that he's wearing?" "No," she insists. "My husband wanted it to be a blue suit." She then gives him a blank check to buy one. When she comes back for the wake, she sees her husband in the coffin and he is wearing a beautiful blue suit. She tells the director, "Thank You, that is absolutely perfect! I love it! How much did it cost?" He says, "Actually, it didn't cost anything. The funniest thing happened. As soon as you left, another man was brought in, this one wearing a dark blue suit. I noticed that they were about the same size, and asked the other widow if she would mind if her husband were buried in a black suit. She said that was fine with her. So, I switched the heads!

My son is so successful....

Mark Peeren — Fri, 14 May 2010 14:28:46 GMT

Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party. After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room.
Those who remained talked about their kids.
The first guy said, 'My son is my pride and joy.He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday.'
The second guy said, 'Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday.'
The third man said: 'Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion.'
The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the restroom and asked: 'What are all the congratulations for?'
One of the three said: 'We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. ....What about your son?'
The fourth man replied: 'My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub.'
The three friends said: 'What a shame... what a disappointment.'
The fourth man replied: 'No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him. And he hasn't done too bad either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion,a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends.

A story with a moral

Mark Peeren — Thu, 13 May 2010 14:14:11 GMT

A teacher instructs her fifth-grade class to ask their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end. The next day the kids come in and share their stories: "My daddy told me about my uncle Dave," says one boy. "He was a pilot in Vietnam and had to bail out over enemy territory with nothing but a flask of whisky, a pistol and a knife. He drank the whisky during the drop, then landed in the middle of 20 enemies. He shot 15, stabbed 3 and killed the last 2 with his bare hands." "What is the moral of this horrible story?" yelps the mortified teacher.

"Stay away from Uncle Dave when he's drinking."

Shoe fetishist fox plundering townsfolk's footwear

Mark Peeren — Thu, 13 May 2010 13:31:46 GMT

A fox famous for stealing hundreds of shoes from homes in the German state of Rhineland-Palatinate is on the prowl once again this spring, regional authorities reported on Tuesday.

The fox with the fetish, which reportedly pilfered between 200 and 250 shoes last year near the town of Föhren, has once again taken to plundering terraces, porches and garages, said the area's resident nobleman, Count Rudolf von Kesselstatt.

The fox has likely been taking shoes from the community of 3,000 to have “something to play with,” Kesselstatt theorised.

The canny carnivore has taken a particular liking to 55-year-old Heidi Heinz’s shoes, this year stealing a pair of red garden shoes that it had already taken in 2009. She got her footwear back, along with seven others, when a forester discovered the fox’s hoard in the woods and fished the shoes out of the burrow tunnels.

But Heinz said she was merely annoyed at her own carelessness.

“I can only advise people not to leave their shoes outside,” she said.

This year she labelled the shoes with her name in heavy black letters in hopes of getting them back again.

But Kesselstatt said this would be unlikely, because the wily fox with a shoe fixation has moved dens.

“There was too much going on there for the fox,” said Kesselstatt, who lives in Föhren Palace near the 1,200-hectare forest. “And we won’t look for him.”

But the fox is apparently not that shy. One woman reported that one half of a freshly polished pair of pumps she set outside was stolen in broad daylight.

And Heinz has also spotted the bushy-tailed thief on numerous occasions from her living room window.

“He is a handsome guy,” she said. “Or a pretty lady.”

But Kesselstatt is certain the fox is female.

“No man would own 250 shoes,” he said.

Oh dear...

Mark Peeren — Fri, 07 May 2010 13:21:13 GMT

A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said that he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother’s labor pain to the father. He asked them if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it. The doctor set the pain transfer dial to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husband’s blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point they decided to try for 50%. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since it was obviously helping out his wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic. When they got home, the mailman was lying dead on their porch.

Medical Mystery

Mark Peeren — Mon, 26 Apr 2010 13:58:30 GMT

The doctor said, "Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine, and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."

Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He couldn't concentrate long enough to answer, but decided he had no choice but to go under the knife.

When he left the hospital he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He saw a men's clothing store & thought, "That's what I need - a new suit."

He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit." The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see ... size 44 long." Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years!" Joe tried on the suit. It fit perfectly.

As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?" Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure." The salesman eyed Joe and said, "Let's see, 34 sleeve & 16-1/2 neck." Again, Joe was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years!"

Joe tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly. As Joe adjusted the collar in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about new shoes?" Joe was on a roll and said, "Sure." The salesman eyed Joe's feet and said, "Let's see ... 9-1/2 E." Joe was astonished, "That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years!"

Joe tried on the shoes and they fit perfectly. Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?" Joe thought for a second and said, "Sure." The salesman stepped back, eyed Joe's waist and said, "Let's see... size 36."

Joe laughed. "Ah ha! I got you! I've worn size 34 since I was 18 years old." The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 underwear would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache.

A list of newspaper headlines, all of which were actually printed in newspaper

Mark Peeren — Mon, 26 Apr 2010 13:49:09 GMT

Here it goes:

Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
Include Your Children when Baking Cookies
Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms
Enraged Cow Injures Farmer With Axe
Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
War Dims Hope for Peace
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Deer Kill 17,000
Stolen Painting Found by Tree
Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy
Arson Suspect Held in Massachusetts Fire
Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood
Local High School Drop-outs Cut in Half
New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years in Checkout Counter
Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Eye Drops Off Shelf
Teachers Strike Idle Kids
Clinton Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead
Princess Diana Was Alive Hours Before She Died

God turned to Archangel Gabriel and said: "Today I am going to create a land called Canada"

Mark Peeren — Tue, 30 Mar 2010 19:02:29 GMT

On the sixth day God turned to Archangel Gabriel and said: "Today I am going to create a land called Canada, it will be a land of outstanding natural beauty. It shall have tall majestic mountains full of mountain goats and eagles, beautiful sparkling lakes bountiful with bass and trout, forests full of elk and moose, high cliffs over-looking sandy beaches with an abundance of sea life, and rivers stocked with salmon."God continued, "I shall make the land rich in oil so as to make the inhabitants prosper, I shall call these inhabitants Canadians, and they shall be known as the most friendly people on the earth.""But Lord," asked Gabriel, "don't you think you are being too generous to these Canadians?""Not really," replied God, "just wait and see the neighbours I am going to give them."

The Good Old Days

Mark Peeren — Sun, 14 Feb 2010 17:52:46 GMT

Remember the good old days?

8 Things That Suck About the iPad

Mark Peeren — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 00:37:29 GMT

8 Things That Suck About the iPad - apple ipad - Gizmodo

8 Things That Suck About the iPad

My god, am I underwhelmed by the iPad. This is as inessential a product as I've ever seen, but beyond that, it has some absolutely backbreaking failures that will make me judge anyone who buys one.

Big, Ugly Bezel
Have you seen the bezel on this thing?! It's huge! I know you don't want to accidentally input a command when your thumb is holding it, but come on.

No Multitasking
This is a backbreaker. If this is supposed to be a replacement for netbooks, how can it possibly not have multitasking? Are you saying I can't listen to Pandora while writing a document? I can't have my Twitter app open at the same time as my browser? I can't have AIM open at the same time as my email? Are you kidding me? This alone guarantees that I will not buy this product.

No Cameras
No front facing camera is one thing. But no back facing camera either? Why the hell not? I can't imagine what the downside was for including at least one camera. Could this thing not handle video iChat?

Touch Keyboard
So much for Apple revolutionizing tablet inputs; this is the same big, ugly touchscreen keyboard we've seen on other tablets, and unless you're lying on the couch with your knees propping it up, it'll be awkward to use.

No HDMI/HD Video Out
Want to watch those nice HD videos you downloaded from iTunes on your TV? Too damned bad! If you were truly loyal, you'd just buy an AppleTV already.

The Name iPad
Get ready for Maxi pad jokes, and lots of 'em!

No Flash
No Flash is annoying but not a dealbreaker on the iPhone and iPod Touch. On something that's supposed to be closer to a netbook or laptop? It will leave huge, gaping holes in websites. I hope you don't care about streaming video! God knows not many casual internet users do. Oh wait, nevermind, they all do.

Adapters, Adapters, Adapters
So much for those smooth lines. If you want to plug anything into this, such as a digital camera, you need all sorts of ugly adapters. You need an adapter for USB for god's sake.

Dear Santa

Mark Peeren — Thu, 24 Dec 2009 14:05:09 GMT

Elves Overcompensating For Something?

Mark Peeren — Thu, 24 Dec 2009 13:43:56 GMT

Elves | Cracked.com

Originally tiny mythical beings, elves have become a clichéd race of pointy-eared, arrow-slinging, forest-loving, effeminate warrior mages that populate every unimaginative stab at fantasy storytelling. Recent mutations look like dumptrucks.

Just The Facts

1. Elves generally think that they are better than you, lowly human. And they are right.
2. Elves like bows, and usually can't wear heavy armor.
3. Elves no longer like to associate themselves with those little wieners from Keebler. They're focused on kicking-ass these days, not on tasty baked goods.

Jailbreak fugitive updates Facebook page

Mark Peeren — Thu, 24 Dec 2009 03:16:55 GMT

Craig Lynch, 28, escaped Hollesley Bay open prison near Suffolk, eastern England, back in September, but has continued to update his Facebook status regularly -- describing everything from his meals to who his next girlfriend will be.

"mmm i just had a 12lb venison steak. Roasted veg and chips, bangin meal. I feel stuffed but still got room for the j.d's . Hope you enjoyed the meal babe's. We'll have to eat here again" Lynch wrote on his wall.

News that Lynch's Facebook was being updated broke yesterday and since then, he has written several times of his life on-the-run.

"The hotel staff haven't even clocked which was the only thing I've been paranoid about all day!" he wrote.

Lynch's most recent posting read "well what can i say fellow friends. The run is nearly over. Sorry some of you had to find out like this. I know some of you might take offense that i never told you personally. But you know me. I Trust No One. Its the only way to be."

What an idiot...

Jailbreak fugitive updates Facebook page - CNN.com

Husband Store

Mark Peeren — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 18:19:33 GMT

A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.' So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking..

'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

The Ultimate Environmentalist

Mark Peeren — Fri, 11 Dec 2009 17:26:57 GMT

She should go first.

Happy Holidays

Mark Peeren — Fri, 11 Dec 2009 17:11:08 GMT

The definition of wrong

Mark Peeren — Sun, 06 Dec 2009 15:25:02 GMT

Hey Buddy

Mark Peeren — Sat, 05 Dec 2009 17:25:24 GMT

Tastes like chicken

Mark Peeren — Sat, 05 Dec 2009 17:04:26 GMT

"I love children, they taste like chicken"

54 Lies about Wales

Mark Peeren — Sat, 05 Dec 2009 01:05:09 GMT

1. The beloved Welsh Dragon which proudly adorns the Welsh flag and millions of pieces of merchandise in tourist shops across the country is actually a myth. The image used is simply a picture of a duck viewed through a broken kaleidoscope, then expertly painted by a hated Englishman. However, all true Welsh people will fervently deny this, as it is said that Wales will sink if any inhabitant of the small but wily country should acknowledge this fact.

2. Much like Australia as we know it today was built on a foundation of exiled British convicts, shipped there by way of punishment, Wales has a similar history. In the early 16th century, Iceland shipped many of it’s unruly, unwanted criminals to the Welsh shores in small rickety boats made of straw and spit, in the hopes of ridding them forever. However, these Icelandic invaders found the local weather and scenery very favourable, and set about massacring the indigenous population for food and pelt. This is why the Welsh people, to this very day, harbour a secret resentment to Iceland, even going so far as to boycott the frozen-food stores of the same name.

3. Incidentally, the indigenous people of Wales originally resembled small humanoid tree stumps covered in meat and fur.

4. Tom Jones is the only surviving ancestor of this species, but has had his DNA diluted at some point down the line by a frisky Icelander. Hence the odd, inhuman look in his eyes.

5. Wales celebrates a day similar to America’s ‘Thanksgiving Day’. Named ‘Fuck England Day’, it is a day where the Welsh people unite to eat speciality dish ‘Welsh Rarebit’ and dance their native dances in the moonlight. It occurs once every three years, on or around the 17th of May, and has done since the late 1940’s.

6. Each hill in the Welsh countryside actually has it’s own name, known only to the hills surrounding it. The most popular hill is Dave, who lives a few miles in-land from Llandudno, and throws the best hill-parties.

7. Sheep are valid currency in Wales, but only if they have three legs and resemble Morgan Freeman.

8. There are only 45 3-legged Morgan Freeman sheep in Wales. One man owns 38 of these, and is a very rich man indeed.

9. Welsh men, when no one is looking at them, are in a constant state of happy jigging. It is only when someone sets eyes on them that they stop and get on with some other task. If you’re quiet, you can sneak up on them and view this ancient debacle. Though be warned: If they catch you peeking without their knowledge, they can legally claim your eyes as punishment for being a ’sneaky one’.

10. The chief export of Wales is the cheese and pickle sandwich.

11. The chief import of Wales is also the cheese and pickle sandwich. The first and only man to point this out was exiled from the country, and now wanders around Yorkshire trying his best to avoid using logic in any situation.

12. The second highest export of Wales are people who look quite a lot like Ryan Giggs. Very few return.

13. Welsh children are only taught to count up to the number 12, until they are 15 years of age. This is to avoid intelligent kids ‘getting above their station’. Between the ages of 12 and 15, they enjoy a single ‘12 and a bit’ birthday party, and a big deal is made of their 15 birthday where they are presented with a colourful book on the numbers 13 to 100.

14. Anyone who is suspected of not being fully Welsh by the Welsh community can get around this by drawing pictures of themselves enjoying the Welsh countryside. Being fully Welsh brings with it a number of perks, apparently. No-one in Wales would tell me what any of these were, despite my numerous scrawlings. I was told my drawn self did not look happy enough, even after I added a huge smile and a stick of Llandudno rock.

15. The Welsh language, seen on most signposts above the ‘English’ translation actually means nothing. The true Welsh language is known only be the 12 Welsh Elders, living in the belly of the Great Orme. Welsh people put the nonsense on the signs to confuse travellers and also to make themselves feel part of one big exclusive Welsh Club.

16. Piracy is encouraged in Wales, but only because no one knows exactly what it means.

17. All places in Wales beginning with double-L we’re actually named by LL Cool J during a publicity tour in 1993. The stunt backfired however, when the Welsh populace adopted the new names without a second thought, despite LL’s shouts of ‘Ladies Love Andudno!’.

18. Welsh people are not allowed to know about iPods.

19. If the whole of Wales was chopped up into small pieces and laid out in a line, nobody would notice.

20. Tigers are indigenous to Wales and there are thousands roaming the countryside. They are just very good at hiding but have been known to maul any visiting Icelanders on holiday.

21. Sheep are the most prolific murderers in Wales and are thusly banned from buying knives in supermarkets.

22. They also have the highest Sheep Suicide rate in the world, attributed to the fact that Wales is a bit rubbish and Sheep have nothing better to do with their pointless little lives.

23. The Welsh national anthem is actually a cover of Gina G’s Eurovision hit from 1996, played by a deaf man with a tuba in a box.

24. A ‘day’ in Wales has 3 extra hours in, but their clocks move slightly faster. All in all, they gain about a second each month. This is known as ‘The Welsh Second’, and they’re very protective over each one.

25. Wales was the first nation to put a man on the moon, but no-one could never figure out how he got there and he died shortly after.

26. Noone was hurt in the Great Battle Of Wales in 1972. Poor Noone.

27. In Medieval times, the King of Wales was decided each day by whoever could shout the loudest. This tradition was abolished with the advent of the loudspeaker, as it began to disturb the sheep.

28. Wales is the only country that observes ‘Hammertime’ as a valid time of the day.

29. Wales was a predominantly catholic country until 2003, when a member of the welsh parliament managed to film his dog doing a back flip. That dog is now head of it’s own church and is worshipped every Sunday for about fifteen minutes.

30. Ireland was once a part of Wales, until a massive argument broke out and Ireland voted to move slightly to the left, distancing themselves. The Republic of Ireland (previously the Republic of Wales) wasn’t paying attention at the time, and was dragged along for the ride.

31. If the ‘Lord Of The Rings’ trilogy was filmed in Wales, it would be called ‘Lord Of The Rings’. The location wasn’t really important.

32. In Wales, words containing only one syllable are frowned upon.

33. It is illegal to taunt others with a facial expression alone. Atleast one full sentence is required, to limit the time needed to interpret the taunt. Far-away mocking can be done via sign language or by writing an offensive slogan on a blimp. In extreme circumstances, it is acceptable to write the remarks on a well-trained dog, but the taunt only stands if the dog manages to catch the intended tauntee.

34. ‘Annoying A Hare’ is a favourite sport of the Welsh people.

35. The Welsh Olympics features such events as ‘Lying Down’, ‘Counting Mountains’ and the ‘The Long Jump’.

36. If you own a business in Wales, please bear in mind that it is perfectly legal to advertise on other peoples faces.

37. There are no boats in Wales. Only small, upturned, wooden tents.

38. Wales prides itself on it’s ability to look exactly like Scotland, whilst also managing to be nearer the Equator. It always tries to sneak a bit further south when Scotland isn’t looking.

39. At Christmas time, Welsh people play a game called ‘Flick the Pea’ to win little prizes, rather than pull crackers. The prize, moreoften then not, is a pea.

40. Wales is actually named after the large sea-dwelling mammals, ‘Whales’. This came about when the largest ever Blue Whale on record washed up on the north-western shores. The tribe of Welsh who lived there at the time were terrified and ran away, but other tribes soon descended and picked the tasty carcass clean. The remaining bones and waste was left to stagnate, eventually allowing land to form around it, becoming ‘Anglesey’.

41. Wales produces it’s own national softdrink, and ships it all around the globe. Nobody cares.

42. Meat is a staple of any Welsh meal. As are staples.

43. Only one dinosaur fossil has ever been recovered from the country of Wales. It was a miniature T-Rex, and it was found stuck to the underside of a cable car in Snowdon.

44. It is legal to punch a Koala bear in Wales, but only if it’s holding a sign that directly insults a member of your family.

45. Welsh lawmakers have no concept of money, and often issue fines with Wine Gums or Jelly Babies as the denomination.

46. Alcohol has the opposite effect within the borders of Wales, causing the drinker to become increasingly sober until they’re seriously evaluating their life.

47. Since the profilic teen-suicides of the mid-00’s, it is illegal to buy rope for an impressionable youngster unless you have a note from them saying they’re feeling okay and promise to use the rope for securing property, rather then throttling themselves. Sadly, it has become easy for people to obtain such notes on the Welsh Black Market.

48. The Welsh Black Market is quite well organised, and sells everything from handguns to budgies named Pete.

49. Wales was lost once. No one knows where it went, but it was seen sneaking back in and latching drunkenly on to England again.Worries that it had fallen in with the wrong crowd were allayed when it stopped returning Belguim’s calls.

50. Every cow in the world has visited Wales atleast once. It is seen as a right of passage. They go there at a young age to learn how to Moo.

51. Wales is actually twice as big as it looks on maps. The other half is just shy. If you stare really hard at a map for an hour, you still can’t see the other half. It really is very, very shy.

52. Nobody knows exactly what happened to the flesh-eating trolls that used to inhabit the Welsh countryside, feasting on sheep. None have been seen since the myterious appearace of a Sheep named ‘Rambo’, who carries a look on it’s bloodstained face like it has known atrocities that you could only imagine. However, it is now considered perfectly safe for Sheep to move back to the land.

53. There are only about 52 interesting lies that can be made up about Wales. 53 is kind of pushing it. 54 would be ridiculous.

54. All Welsh obituaries published in newspapers must be in Haiku form. This is to prevent the deceased persons loved-ones from ‘going on a bit’.